The Ugly Face of Mom Guilt

Happy February!  If you are like me, you have been caught up in the hustle of what the new year brings, aka, putting up Christmas decor, reorganizing and decluttering (hello Marie Kondo)! No resolutions for me this year, just trying to stay sane and happy and true to self a little more. Which leads me to this…Mom guilt. We all have it. Some more than others and for different reasons I am sure!

I am a stay at home mom and have been blessed to be that way since the twins were born. I should have all the time in the world for my kids right? I mean, one adult against three tiny humans should be able to manage most days in a controlled environment…or so I thought. About 2 months after the twins were born at 32 weeks and 4days with colic and a 25 day NICU stay, I was so worn down physically and emotionally that we interviewed and hired a part time nanny. With that came questions both from others and questioning myself, “Why do you need a nanny if you don’t work outside the home?”. With that came a weakness that I placed on myself. Maybe I can’t hack being a full time stay at home mom. Why can so many other moms stay at home with their kids and not need help. I began placing so much guilt on myself for that and actually enjoying my time out and away from the house. Sure I missed the kiddos when I left but I loved having time that was scheduled where I was able to run errands, workout or nap if I needed to. I kept telling myself, well other moms have family close by or they just have a stronger “mom gene” than I do.

Flash forward to now. We have been living in St. Louis for the past few months and my mom has been helping us with this transition. She retired last fall so we have been able to have her stay with us off and on (mostly on). I for sure thought the mom guilt of leaving the kids with Grandma aka “Peppy” would go away. After all, this is MY mom! Well, I’m here to say, it doesn’t go away. Am I comfortable leaving them with her? Absolutely. But doing so to pursue my own agenda makes me feel so selfish at times.

I really have no idea how to manage this but I am attempting to create and stick to a “mom agenda” schedule and not stray from it. Also, wanted anyone else feeling this way to know that you aren’t alone. All moms have guilt. From my mom friends who work full time to my mom friends who seem to always be killing it at stay at home mom life…I know we have all been in this guilty phase usually on the daily. Give yourself some grace and please remind me to do the same.

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